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Jokes > Light Bulb Jokes

  • Q: How many Floridians does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Don't know for sure, they're still counting.

  • Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb ?
    A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
    A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

  • Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. The invisible hand does it.
    A: None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the light bulb lighting up again."
    A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!

  • Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
    A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
    A: Two. One to assume the latter (a pun) and change the bulb.
    A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

  • Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a light bulb ?
    A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the light bulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

  • Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
    A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
    A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

  • Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

  • Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

  • Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional amendment.
    A: Only one. If he can handle 250,000,000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra light bulb.

  • Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? 
    A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@ HOUSE!

    I'm sorry ... what did you ask me?

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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