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The Horse and the Chicken A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my penis and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. Moral of the Story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
The Moral of the Story... One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.... The next day Billy tells his story.... "My dad fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more, but the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands" Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story....Billy replies, "Yeah... don't mess with my dad when he's been drinking
The Moral of the Story... One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream. In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat." Alongside the stream, a bear was standing. The bear looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, and I could jump out, snag that salmon, and I'd have myself something to eat." Across the stream, up a steep slope, a hunter was hidden in the brush. The hunter looked at the fly, and thought to himself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, that salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, and I could jump up, shoot the bear, and I'd have myself a new trophy." Hidden in the grass behind the hunter was a mouse. The mouse looked at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, and I'd have myself something to eat." A bit higher up the slope, on a jutting rock, sat a pussy cat. The pussy cat looked down at the fly, and thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, the salmon would jump up to catch it, the bear would jump up to catch the salmon, the hunter would jump up to shoot the bear, the sandwich in the hunter's pocket would fall out, the mouse would hop over to get the sandwich, I could leap down on it, and I'd have myself something to eat." At that moment, the fly dropped down about a half an inch. The salmon leapt up and caught the fly, the bear leapt out and snagged the salmon, the hunter jumped up and shot the bear, the mouse hopped out and started to eat the hunter's sandwich, and the pussy cat leapt down to catch the mouse...but it missed. It rolled down the slope, and fell into the stream. Moral of the Story: A lot of things have to happen for a pussy to get wet.
The Moral of the Story... O n elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out. So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole. The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole. Moral of the story: "If your dick is long enough you dont need a Porsche."
The Moral to the Story... A turkey was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the turkey right out of the tree. Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
THE CAT STORY There was this cat who loved to get drunk, so he went to the bar down town on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble on home. As the cat comes to the train tracks he doesn't notice a train as it is coming his way. The cat starts to cross the track and the train is right on him. Just as he crosses, the train goes on by, but the cat was not all the way over and the train ran over the his tail, the cat turns it's head to see were his tail is and the train cuts his head clean off. Moral of the Story: DON'T LOSS YOUR HEAD OVER A LITTLE PIECE OF TAIL!
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Last Updated April 1, 2013
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