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Jokes > Puns.   Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a pun as:
Function: noun
Etymology: perhaps from Italian puntiglio fine point, quibble -- more at PUNCTILIO
Date: 1662
The usually humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound.

Well, that's how the dictionary defines it. So let's get on with the show. Below we have puns for your reading enjoyment. If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.

A man who specialized in puns thought he had an outstanding chance of winning a pun contest run by his local newspaper. He sent the paper no fewer than ten different entries in the hope that one of them might win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A wealthy lawyer had a summer house in the backwoods of Maine. One weekend he invited a Czech friend to stay with him. The pair were out picking berries for breakfast when they were approached by two huge bears - one male, one female. the lawyer managed to escape but his friend was swallowed whole by the male bear.

The lawyer drove to the sheriff's and begged him to come and help his friend before it was too late. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and the two men drove back to the place of the attack. The bears were still there.

"He's in that one, " cried the lawyer, pointing to the male bear, but the sheriff shot the female instead.

"What did you do that for?" screamed the lawyer. "I said that he was in the other one."

"Exactly," said the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"

A Few Short Puns

  • What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? - A flat minor.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire - Frostbite.
  • What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? - Polaroids.
  • Why is a pig's tail like getting up at three op'clock in the morning? - It's twirly.
  • Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? - He wanted to transcend dental medication.
  • If you are American when you go into a toilet and you American when you come out of the toilet, what are you while you are in the toilet? - European, of course.
  • What do yu call an unemployed jester? - Nobody's fool.
  • Two peanuts were walking down a sidewalk. One was assaulted.....
  • What's a Hindu? - Lays eggs.
  • What is a bigamist? - An Italian fog.

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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