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Men vs Women - Battle of the Sexes Jokes

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Jokes > Men vs Women - Battle of the Sexes Jokes


A Women's Guide To Male English

-- What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? 

-- I'm hungry = I'm hungry 

-- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy 

-- I'm tired = I'm tired 

-- What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before 

-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! 

-- I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!


A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain 

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to 

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important 

-- We need = I want 

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now 

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later 

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot 

-- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 

-- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period 

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs 

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... 

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white 

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep 

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive 

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like 

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV 

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful 

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] 

-- Yes = No 

-- No = No 

-- Maybe = No 

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry 

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house 

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it 

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. 

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?


More Battle of the Sexes Jokes ==> Page  1   
Note:  The information on this page could be relatively useful for opposite gendered Halloween costumes or drag party costumes.  Since the spirit of Halloween is somewhat steeped in acting. this page can give informative insights into truly playing a part.
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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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