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Jokes > Women Jokes


  • A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

  • Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

  • Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

  • Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

  • Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

  • Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

  • If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

  • Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

  • Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

  • The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

  • Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

  • Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

  • Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

  • Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

  • Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

  • If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

  • Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

  • The good girls keep the diaries the bad girls never have the time.

  • I always thought that if I were popular, I must be doing something wrong.

  • Unfortunately, sometimes people don't hear you until you scream.

  • The idea of strictly minding our own business is moldy rubbish. Who could be so selfish?

  • When a man gets up to speak, people listen, the look. When a woman gets up people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.

  • When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was. Not better, necessarily; but different.

  • It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

  • A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.(Gloria Steinem)

  • Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

  • Personally, I think if a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she may be lucky.

  • Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

  • Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

  • Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcoming, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's charachters.

  • When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street, I always hope he's dead.

  • A man's home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside it is more often his nursery

  • Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses; women for their strengths.

  • The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

  • Being a parent is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.

  • The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love; which includes not only others but ourselves as well.

  • If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question!


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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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