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Comebacks > Comebacks and Insults - Especially for Kids.   Well....and for those who aren't kids.
If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.

  • You were one of the first to get a brain, before they were perfected.

  • But you did get a brain that day. The problem is that you should have asked for one to go.

  • You got your brain very early. Apparently the warranty has run out.

  • When they were handing out brains you arrived too late, all you got was a rain check.

  • They just ran out of brains by the time you got there, so they gave you a nice wood carving instead.

  • When they were handing out brains, you were the first in the queue, and held the door open for the rest of us.

  • You didn't get a brain that day either. They were only handing them out to people who would use them

  • You got your brain first when they were handing them out in alphabetical order, A for "Aardvark"

Is that your face ?. . . .

  • Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.

  • Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo.

  • If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.

  • If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.

  • Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails.

  • Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going.

  • Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut.

  • Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

  • Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

  • Your face is very becoming. I's becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.

When they gave out...

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said beds, and you said "I'd like something soft"

  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, and you said "Make mine oatmeal"

  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said roses, and you said "Give me a big red one"

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said sheds, and you said "I'd like a nice big wooden one"

  • When they were giving out looks, you thought they said books, and you said "Give me something funny"

  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said canes, and you said "I won't need one of those"

  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said hoses, and you said "I don't mind if mine drips a little bit"

  • When they were giving out faces, you thought they said cases, and you said "I'd like one made of leather"

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said breads, and you said "I'd like mine nice and doughy"

Good riddance.....

  • If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.

  • You don't have to say anything. You offend me just by being in the area.

  • I don't take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.

  • Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.

  • Don't worry about it. I've never listened to a thing you've said since the day I met you.

  • Nothing you could say could offend me. I only get offended by things that make sense.

  • I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

  • It's not what you say, it's the thought behind it that counts, and I know there's never any thought behind anything you say.

  • I wouldn't get angry at you today. It's "Be kind to Animals" week.

You look familiar.......

  • You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?

  • I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.

  • I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.

  • I know your trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.

  • That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.

  • You look familiar too, but that's not surprising, I collect bugs for a hobby.

  • You look familiar too, have I ever seen you hanging by the tail from the tree in my garden ?

  • Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time ?

Recommended Reading

Giant Book of Put-Downs, Insults & Excuses
by Maureen Kushner, Joseph Resenbloom, Joseph Rosenbloom

Stick Up for Yourself : Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem
by Gershen Kaufman, et al

How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense
by Kate Cohen-Posey, Betsy A. Lampe (Illustrator)

Words Will Never Hurt Me: Helping Kids Handle Teasing, Bullying and Putdowns
by Sally Northway Ogden (Illustrator), Margaret Smith (Editor)

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013
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