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Insults, Putdowns and Sarcasm.
If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.
- I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead?
- I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- I wish that we were better strangers.
- You!...Off my planet!
- I taught your boyfriend that...little thing that you like.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- And which dwarf are you?
- If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- Meandering to a different drummer.
- The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
- May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.
- May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
- May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
Giant Book of Put-Downs, Insults & Excuses
by Maureen Kushner, Joseph Resenbloom, Joseph Rosenbloom
Stick Up for Yourself : Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem
by Gershen Kaufman, et al
How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense
by Kate Cohen-Posey, Betsy A. Lampe (Illustrator)
Words Will Never Hurt Me: Helping Kids Handle Teasing, Bullying and Putdowns
by Sally Northway Ogden (Illustrator), Margaret Smith (Editor)
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