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Profession Jokes > You Might Be A ... Jokes
Might Be a Nurse if...
Used by permission - Copyright (1997,1999, 2000,2002, 2003, 2004)Michael Seaver, RN, EMT-P
- when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute
and turn off the faucets with your elbows.
when you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected
to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most
original and wittiest thing you've ever heard.
your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and
tell a doctor to clean it up.
men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about
everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and
pain they have.
you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a
soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with
you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.
you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with
lots of tomato sauce.
you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.
You Might be an Engineer If...
- Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
- Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
- The salespeople at Radio Shack can't answer any of your questions.
- You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
- You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
- You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
- You know what http:// stands for.
- You see a good design and still have to change it.
- You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
- You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
- You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
- Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
- Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
- You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
- You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You Might Be An Accountant If....
- Your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card
- You refer to your child as Deduction 214
- You deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses"
- At the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation
- You decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D"
- You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store
You Might Be A Musician If...
- you walk around conducting the Verdi Requiem, Dvorak Requiem, Bruckner e-minor Mass, Beethoven 7, etc., and wonder why people are looking at you funny.
- you know Tchaikovsky's full name AND all its spellings.
- you have played more instruments than the average person can name.
- you own more in sheet music than in CDs
- you can define the difference between a sonata and a concerto.
- you know 101 jokes involving either violas, French horns, or percussionists.
- you know any jokes about players of any other specific instruments.
- your phone is unplugged for 2 hours or more a day so you can practice.
- you actually cheered on the marching band in high school.
- you have ever played anything by Bela Bartok.
You Might Be In A Redneck Volunteer Fire Department If....
- Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
- You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
- Your firehouse has wheels.
- You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
- Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
- You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
- At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
- Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
- You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
- You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
- Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
- Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
- Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
- Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
- The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
- Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
- You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
- Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
- Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
- The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.
You Might Be A Dairy Farmer...
- If you know the price of milk per hundred weight but not by the gallon.
- If the medicine cabinet contains a container of Bag Balm.
- If you've ever gotten an award for fat (and were proud of it).
- If your idea of a power lunch is a sandwich on a tractor.
- If your idea of a neighborhood watch is someone calling you to let you know your heifers are out.
- If you have more than a dozen cats.
- If your idea of overnite delivery is pulling a calf at three in the morning.
- If you can remember the name of every cow on your farm but the names of your children elude you.
- If manure is a dinner table topic.
- If your backyard ends at an electric fence.
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Last Updated April 1, 2013
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