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Profession Jokes > You Might Be A ... Jokes

You Might Be a Nurse if...

  • when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows. 
  • when you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most original and wittiest thing you've ever heard. 
  • your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up. 
  • men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses. 
  • everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have. 
  • you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors. 
  • you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones. 
  • you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce. 
  • you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.
Used by permission - Copyright (1997,1999, 2000,2002, 2003, 2004)Michael Seaver, RN, EMT-P

You Might be an Engineer If...
  • Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
  • Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
  • The salespeople at Radio Shack can't answer any of your questions.
  • You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
  • You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
  • You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
  • You know what http:// stands for.
  • You see a good design and still have to change it.
  • You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
  • You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
  • You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
  • Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
  • Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
  • You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
  • You've already calculated how much you make per second.

You Might Be An Accountant If....
  • Your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card
  • You refer to your child as Deduction 214
  • You deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses"
  • At the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation
  • You decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D"
  • You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store

You Might Be A Musician If...
  • you walk around conducting the Verdi Requiem, Dvorak Requiem, Bruckner e-minor Mass, Beethoven 7, etc., and wonder why people are looking at you funny.
  • you know Tchaikovsky's full name AND all its spellings.
  • you have played more instruments than the average person can name.
  • you own more in sheet music than in CDs
  • you can define the difference between a sonata and a concerto.
  • you know 101 jokes involving either violas, French horns, or percussionists.
  • you know any jokes about players of any other specific instruments.
  • your phone is unplugged for 2 hours or more a day so you can practice.
  • you actually cheered on the marching band in high school.
  • you have ever played anything by Bela Bartok.

You Might Be In A Redneck Volunteer Fire Department If....
  • Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
  • You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
  • Your firehouse has wheels.
  • You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
  • Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
  • You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
  • At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
  • Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
  • You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
  • You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
  • Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
  • Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
  • Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
  • Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
  • The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
  • Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
  • You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
  • Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
  • Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
  • The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

You Might Be A Dairy Farmer...
  • If you know the price of milk per hundred weight but not by the gallon.
  • If the medicine cabinet contains a container of Bag Balm.
  • If you've ever gotten an award for fat (and were proud of it).
  • If your idea of a power lunch is a sandwich on a tractor.
  • If your idea of a neighborhood watch is someone calling you to let you know your heifers are out.
  • If you have more than a dozen cats.
  • If your idea of overnite delivery is pulling a calf at three in the morning.
  • If you can remember the name of every cow on your farm but the names of your children elude you.
  • If manure is a dinner table topic.
  • If your backyard ends at an electric fence.

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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