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Religion Jokes > Church Jokes


You Might Be In the Wrong Church If....

  • You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.

  • The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" - as a polka!

  • They believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.

  • A week before Christmas the pastor announces the church will be "closed for the holidays."

  • The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church treasurer just bought a  new Harley.

  • New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague reference to Jell-O-wrestling.

  • On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their pastor.

  • On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks payable directly to the pastor."

  • The organist is Boris Karloff or appears to be his stunt double.

  • The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park."

  • Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles before preaching starts.

  • You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after church is scheduled to start.

  • The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever.

  • The baptismal fount has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a Jacuzzi.

  • Bill Clinton is the speaker of the day and his topic is "Morality In America - How To Be A Shining Example".

  • The minister falls asleep while delivering his own sermon.

  • The ushers passing around the offering basket are wearing ski masks.

  • The Bible they use is the Dr. Seuss version.

  • The Choir wears black leather robes.

  • The offering plate has been passed three times and the sermon hasn't even begun yet.

  • When the choir sings, the dogs outside begin to howl, and are closer to being in tune.

  • New member candidates are required to submit W-2's for the last 5 years. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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