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The Ferrari vs the Moped
A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. They cost about a quarter of a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do over 200 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 220 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! The moped plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain.
He runs up to the old man and says, "You gotta tell me how you got that thing to be faster than my Ferrari !"
The old man looks up and replies, "OK..., but first, unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror, will ya?"
Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Fullfillment of a Dream
A successful gynecologist decides to fulfill his life's dream: give up medical practice and become a motorcycle mechanic.
So he gets out of the medical business and enrolls at a mechanic's seminar with Harley Davidson.
After many weeks of training comes the final examination, taking apart and then re-assembling a randomly chosen Harley engine.
He grabs his tools and sets to work, but soon he gets worried: while he is still working on the valve-covers, everybody else is already busy with removing the cylinder heads.
He falls more and more behind, and as he is just starting to put it all back together, everybody else is already finished.
He manages to put the engine back together, barely in time before the exam ends.
Because it took him so much longer than everybody else, he goes straight to the teacher to ask how he performed.
"Well," the teacher says, "out of one hundred possible points you scored 150." "But how is that possible?" the ex-gynecologist asks.
"Well, it breaks down to this: You get fifty points for correctly taking the engine apart. And you get another fifty points for putting it back together perfectly." "And what did I get those additional fifty points for?"
"For doing it all through the exhaust."
Harleys, Harleys, Harleys .........
What do you call a group of Harley Owners with a collective IQ of 120?
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
Why do Harley owners have tassels on their handlebars and clothing?
How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
How is a Harley Davidson like a Porcupine?
How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
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Last Updated April 1, 2013
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