Bicycle jokes are some of the silliest and corny jokes out there. They are much loved by kids and appropriate for all ages.
Contents
The Funniest Jokes about Bicycles, Cycling and Cyclists
Going Deaf
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
“What’ve I done, officer?” asks the rider.
“Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .”
“Oh, thank God for that,” says the rider – “I thought I’d gone deaf!”
Border Crossing
A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.
“What’s in the bags?” asked the guard.
“Sand,” the cyclist replied.
“Get them off. We need to take a look.”
The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.
“Hey, where have you been?” the guard asked. “You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won’t say a word. What was it?”
The man smiled and told him the truth. “Bicycles!”
Tough Climb for a Tandem Team
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.
“Phew, that was a tough climb” said Jill, leaning over, breathing hard. “That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it.”
“Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on,” said Jack, “or we’d have slid all the way back down!”
Pig! Pig!
The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. Then along comes a man who was driving very slowly uphill toward me, honking his horn and shouting at me.
“PIG! PIG!!” he yelled. “PIG! PIG!!”
So I shouted back some things I dare not repeat as I buzzed by him.
Still thinking about this awful man and his shouting, I turned the corner and promptly collided with a pig.
You Know You’re Addicted To Cycling When…
10. Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader.
9. A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your Cobra.
8. A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.
7. The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny’s.
6. You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.
5. The funeral director tells you “NO!” you can’t ride your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.
4. You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.
3. You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.
2. Your wife tells you the only way she’ll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, “If that’s the case, you’ll be my first speed bump!”
AND the number-one reason you know you’re addicted to bicycling…
1. You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.
Border Crossing
A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.
“What’s in the bags?” asked the guard.
“Sand,” the cyclist replied.
“Get them off. We need to take a look.”
The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.
“Hey, where have you been?” the guard asked. “You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won’t say a word. What was it?”
The man smiled and told him the truth. “Bicycles!”
Tandem Team at the Saloon
A tandem team rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a cold drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which they were. When they finished their drinks, they found their steed had been stolen.
They go back into the bar, the captain handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE OUR STEED?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“ALL RIGHT WE’RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHA COLD DRINK, AND IF OUR STEED AIN’T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME WE FINISH, WE’RE GONNA DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS! AND WE DON’T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT WE DUN IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
They had another cold drink, walked outside, and the tandem is back! They mount up and start to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, “Say partner, before you go… what did happen in Texas?”
The captain turned back and said, “We had to walk home.”
Also see the Funniest “Moral of the Story” Jokes
My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form.