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Jokes > Resume Bloopers.    If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.


  • My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

  • Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.

  • Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.

  • Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.

  • I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

  • I am a rabid typist.

  • Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.

  • Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.

  • Proven ability to track down and correct erors.

  • Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.

  • I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.

  • References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.

  • Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

  • Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.

  • My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

  • I procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant.

  • I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.

  • Qualifications: No education or experience.

  • Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.

  • Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.

  • Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!

  • And at the bottom of a cover letter: Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!


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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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