If you have ever had dinner at a Chinese restaurant and received a fortune cookie after dinner you have definitely seen a “Confucius say” phrase in the fortune cookie!
We gathered up the best ones. They are quite funny – enjoy!
- Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.
- Thank you to Gary Oaksford for this contribution.
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Baseball is wrong – man with four balls cannot walk.
- War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
- Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
- It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
- Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.
- Don’t eat the snow where the huskies go!
- Support bacteria — it’s the only culture some people have!
- Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
- He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
- Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
- Man who sit on tack get point!
- Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
- Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.
- Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
- Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
- Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue!
- Man who live in glass house should not throw parties!
- Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!
- When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
- “Man with glass house must dress in basement!”
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don’t have film!
- Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
- Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
- Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
- Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing
- Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
- Hole happy, whole body happy.
- He who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
- He who makes love in grass, gets piece on earth.
- Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
- Elevator smell different to midget.
- Work to become, not to acquire.
- A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
- Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
- Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
- Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.
- War does not determine who’s right, war determines who’s left.
- Those who quote me are fools.
- Confucius say too damn much.
Related: Funny meditation jokes
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My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form.