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The Darkest Cannibal Jokes You’ve Ever Heard!

Cannibal Jokes

Okay these are some of the darkest jokes on the site. What is worst than killing someone and eating them? Nothing we can think of. So the cannibal jokes have some truly dark humor. We have some fun short jokes including one liners and also some longer jokes. Enjoy!

The Darkest Humor Cannibal Jokes

Cannibal One Liners and Short Jokes

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Meals on wheels

What is a cannibal’s favorite restaurant?
Five Guys

What did one cannibal say to the other? People are like potatoes.
They may look different, but they all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other:”Does this taste funny to you?”

Two cannibals were sitting beside the fire after a sumptuous meal. One turned to the other and siad:”Your wife sure makes a good roast.”

“Yeah, I’m really going to miss her.”

What is the title of the best-selling cannibal book?
How To Serve Your Fellow Man

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

Did you hear about the cannibal student who was suspended from school for buttering up his teacher?

Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant where dinner costs an arm and a leg?

Two cannibals were eating dinner. One said:”I really hate my sister.”
The other said:”Well, just eat the noodles.”

What do cannibals do at a wedding?
They toast the bride and groom

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men Toes

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people

What is a cannibal’s favorite food?
Baked Beings

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, “So that I can feed my lads with m,lasses.”

What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.

What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals ?
He went down really well!

What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.

A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, “Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I’m tired of getting stuck for drinks!”

Cannibal: Mom, mom, I’ve been eating a missionary and I feel sick!
Mom: Well, you know what they say – you can’t keep a good man down!

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife?
He was an aunteater

How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.

Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny

What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.

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Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

When do cannibals cook you?
On Fried-days

What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs

What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
They had a feast of fun.

What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn’t eat another mortal.

What did the cannibal have for lunch?
Baked beings (beans).

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!

What’s the definition of a cannibal?
Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!

First cannibal: I can’t find anything to eat!
Second cannibal: But the jungle’s full of people.
First cannibal: Yes, but they’re all very unsavory.

How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand !

What’s the ultimate definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a oral delight (*wink*)

What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter.

What did the cannibal say to the explorer?
Nice to meat you!

What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast?
Weedie Bix!!

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste!

What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2?
He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!

First cannibal: My wife’s a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour.

First cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper !

1st Cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?

Two cannibals were having lunch. Your girlfriend makes a great soup, said one to the other.
Yes! agreed the first. But, I’m going to miss her terribly.

Two canibals were having their dinner. One said to the other, I don’t like your friend. The other one replied, Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.

First Canibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper.

First cannibal: We had burglars last night.
Second cannibal: Did they taste good?

First cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my husband these days.
Second canibal: How about a curry?

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other “I don’t like your friend.”
The other one said, “Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables.”

Two cannibals were having lunch. “Your wife makes a great soup,” said one cannibal to the other.
“Yes!” agreed the first cannibal. “But I’m going to miss her terribly.”

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First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight.
Second cannibal: What are you having?
First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.

First Cannibal: “Have you seen the dentist?”
Second Cannibal: “Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time.”

Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.

Well, children, said the cannibal cooking teacher. “What did you make of the new English teacher?”
“Burgers, ma’am.”

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What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads?
Because they’re headcases!

The canibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. “For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful.”

Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

Did you hear about the canibal who committed suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.

Cannibal Boy: I’ve brought a friend home for dinner.
Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we’ll have him tomorrow.

A cannibal chief was just about to stew his latest victim for dinner when the man protested, “You can’t eat me, I’m the manager!”
“Well,” said the cannibal, “soon you’ll be a manager in chief.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal… “does he taste funny to you?”

Two clowns are eating a cannibal, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal… “I think we’re doing this joke wrong!”

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
It’s because clowns taste funny!

What did the cannibal’s wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

Why was the cannibal looking peeky?
Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary’s ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.

What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?
Meals on wheels.

What is the cannibals favorite game?
Swallow my Leader.

What happened to the canibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride.

Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian?
He couldn’t stop eating swedes.

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Why didn’t the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!

Why won’t cannibals eat Frank Sinatra?
Because he’s always coming back!

What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!

Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!

Was the principals brother really a missionary?
He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

Why don’t cannibals like to eat Carl Lewis?
He gives them the runs!

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal’s pot.
The cannibal turned to his friend and said, What’s this flier doing in my soup?

What did the cannibal’s parents say when she brought her boyfriend home?
Lovely, dear, he looks good enough to eat!

What do cannibal say when they say grace?
We thank you, Lord, for our daily dead!

Laid Back Cannibals

Two laid back cannibals captured a man and are about to eat him.
The first cannibal says “you start at the bottom, I’ll start at the top”, so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says “I’m having a ball”.
The first canibal replied “Dude, you are eating too fast!”

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The Cannibal King

The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. “Your Majesty,” he said, “the slaves are revolting!”
“You don’t have to tell me,” said the king. “I’m trying to eat them, where did we get these slaves anyway?”
“From the country next door,” replied the servant.
“We must get a new butcher,” said the king. “Bring me Delia Smith.”
“We can’t, Your Majesty, she’s still cooking for you.”
“Well, bring her to me once she’s crispy enough,” said the king.

Cannibals Capture Three Men

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request.

The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him.

The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.

Now it is the third man’s turn. He asks for a fork.

The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.

As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your canoes!”

A Cannibal Father and Son?

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street.
The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she’s too fatty.

Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman.
Again the father refused saying that she’s to skinny.

After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.
“sure son” the father replied, drooling. “We’ll take her home and eat you mother!”

The Promotion

A man was captured by cannibals. “What,” asked the cannibal chief, licking his lips, “was your job before you were captured?”

“I was a newspaper man,” came the reply.

“An editor?”

“No, merely a sub-editor.”

“Cheer up. Promotion awaits you. After dinner you will be editor-in-chief.”

Cannabilism Humor Summary

In closing, it turns out that cannibilism is actually quite common! Yeah we were shocked too until we read this article by the National Geographic.

Video: A Brief History of Cannibalism

Human cannibalism is a lot more common than you might think. Dive into its complex history and see its uses in medicine, cultural rituals and in times of survival.

15th century Europeans believed they had hit upon a miracle cure: a remedy for epilepsy, hemorrhage, bruising, nausea and virtually any other medical ailment. It was a brown powder known as “mumia,” and was made by grinding up mummified human flesh. But just how common is human cannibalism, and how do cultures partake in it? Bill Schutt explores the complex history of cannibalism.

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