The Funniest Cat Jokes

Cat Jokes

Who doesn’t love cats – their antics are endlessly entertaining especially if they have had some catnip! We all love our furry feline friends and often laugh at the humor they bring to our lives. 

There are so many great cat jokes out there, we have collected the best ones o share with you today. Check out the collection of the funniest cat jokes!

The Funniest Cat Jokes in the World!

Why do cats always win video games? Because they have nine lives!

What state has a lot of cats and dogs? Petsylvania!

What’s a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain!

What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies!

Where do cats always fly out of when they travel? Kitty Hawk!

How does a cat sing scales? Do-re-mew!

Why did the cat eat the lemons? He was a sourpuss!

What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school? Hisss-tory!

What types of cats purr the best? Purrr-sians!

What sports do cats play? Hairball!

What did the mom cat say about her intuition? “I just had a strong feline.”

Related: Funniest Dog Jokes  

Why was the teenage cat sent to his room? He was in a bad meowd.

What did one cat say while her friend was complaining? “Tail me about it.”

What do cats call a big pile of laundry? A meowtain to climb.

Why did the cat avoid eating lemons? They made him a sour-puss.

What song do kittens always request at dances? “Mice Mice Baby.”

Why are cats bad at making decisions? They become so purrplexed.

What did the cat say when it was confused? “I’m purr-plexed!”

What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The re-tail store!

What do you call a cat who lives in an igloo? An eskimew!

How do cats stop crimes? They call claw enforcement!

Why was the cat so agitated? Because he was in a bad mewd!

What do you call a cat who loves to bowl? An alley cat!

What do cats love to do in the morning? Read the mewspaper!

How is cat food sold? Usually, purr the can!

What do baby cats always wear? Diapurrs!

Why are cats great singers? Because they’re very mewsical!

Why can’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!

What’s another name for a cat’s house? A scratch pad!

What should you say to your cat when you leave the house? “Have a mice day!”

What do cats use to make coffee? A purr-colator!

What’s a cat’s favorite sport? Hair ball.

Related: Funny Bird Jokes

Why do cats hate laptops? They don’t have a mouse.

How did one cat break up with another? She said, “We’re hisstory!”

Why don’t cats ever say “YOLO?” They have nine lives.

Which day of the week do cats love the most? Caturday.

How does a cat decide what it wants from the store? It flips through the cat-alog!

In what kind of weather is a vet the busiest? When it’s raining cats and dogs!

What do you call a cat wearing shoes? A puss in boots!

What type of cat works for the Red Cross? A first aid cat!

What do cats like to eat on a hot day? A mice-cream cone!

Why do cats always get their way? They are very purr-suasive!

How do two cats end a fight? They hiss and make up!

What should you use to comb a cat? A catacomb!

What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mewsic!

How do you know a cat is agitated? He’s having a hissy fit!

What’s a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping!

Why did the cat wear a fancy dress? She was feline fine!

What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!

Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record. 

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. 

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. 

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom. 

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. 

What is a cat’s favourite song? Three Blind Mice. 

What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don’t you have a cat? 

How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it. 

Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering. 

Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes. 

Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day. 

Why was the animal lover so untrustworthy? She kept letting the cat out of the bag!

What do cats call a nice dinner? “A fancy feast.”

What did the sick cat say? “I feel clawful!”

Why did some cat friends go to the mall? There was a buy-one-get-one-furry deal.

Where do cats enjoy spending a family day? The mew-seum.

What’s a kitten’s favorite kind of sticker? Scratch and sniff.

What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell. 

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

Why is it hard to trust cats? They have many tall tails.

What did the cats do when they realized they had a bad plan? They decided to (cat)nip it in the bud.

Before a cat fight, what is usually said? “Hold my purrse.”

What do cats quote from the movie Bridesmaids? “Help me, I’m paw!”

What do cats look for in a significant other? A great purrsonality.

What do you call a cat who became a doctor? “A first aid kitten.”

Related: Hilarious Goat Jokes!

Why do cats make horrible DJs? They always paws the tunes.

What did the mom and dad cat say about their wedding day? “It was unfurrgetable!”

What’s a kitten’s fave way to shop? By cat-alogue.

How did the cat comic know he was funny? The audience was meow-ling with laughter.

Related:  Funny Elephant Jokes

What did the cat say when he lost all his money? I’m paw!

My cat told a joke today but I didn’t laugh. He took it purr-sondal.

Someone made a joke about my three-legged cat. Major faux paw.

What do you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed? A Himalayan.

I have a pencil once owned by Shakespeare…Thanks to the cat it’s so chewed up I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

I saw a neighbor talking to her cat today, it was hilarious that she thought her cat could understand her.

I went home and told my dog.

Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

What did the alien say to the cat? “Take me to your litter.”

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat’s way of keeping law and order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What sports do cats play? Hairball.

How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat. “What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the airplane? She let the cat out of the bag.

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? “Let us prey.”

How do cats get over a fight? They hiss and make up.

Why was the cat so small?Because it only ate condensed milk!

Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himalayas? She was a sher-paw.

Who was the most powerful cat in China? Chairman Miaow.

What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee!

What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The “whisker”.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

Why was the cat so agitated? He was in a bad mewd.

Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!

What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote? Paws.

Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? Because it littered.

Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water? He set a new lap record.

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? Frostbite!

Why are cats good at video games? Because they have nine lives!

Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store!

Have you ever seen a catfish?

No. How do they hold the rod and reel?

Why do cats make terrible storytellers? They only have one tail.

Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? Just kitten!

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The cat says, “A shot of whiskey.” The bartender pours the cat his drink. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar…immediately demanding, “ANOTHER!!”

A man walks into a bar with a cat and dog. They all sit down and the bartender says “What can I get you?” The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I’ll take a Vodka, the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a Scotch.” The bartender, in shocks, says to the dog, “This is AMAZING! You’re a dog that can talk…” The guy looks at the bartender, and says, “Don’t be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist.”

Two cats are trying to cross a river. One’s name is Onetwothree and the others’ name is Undeuxtrois. Why was Onetwothree the only one to make it across?

Because Undeuxtrois got carried away.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

What did the cat say when it got scratched? Meowch!

Why did the cat have to go to an accountant? They got caught up in a purramid scheme.

What made the cat upgrade his phone? He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.

What does the cat say after making a joke? “Just kitten!”

What did the cat say after hearing a funny joke? LMAO

What’s a cat’s favorite TV show? Claw and Order

Why did the cats ask for a drum set? They wanted to make some mewsic!

How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant? Her test was pawsitive.

What normally happens when kitties go on a first date? They hiss.

What’s a cat’s favorite cereal? Mice crispies.

What color do kittens love the most? Purrple.

When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call? A tabby.

 

 

 

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