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The Funniest Engineering Jokes

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Engineering Jokes

The engineering profession is one of the most misunderstood professions in the world. People who don’t know much about engineering often think it is boring, but in reality, it is one of the most challenging and creative professions out there.

Engineering jokes are a way for engineers to laugh at themselves and have fun with their profession.  The engineering jokes in this section will not disappoint you. These jokes will make you laugh and also make you think about the world around us.

The Wittiest Engineering Jokes

Good Choice !!

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, “Take what you want.”

“The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

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The Measure of the Glass

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

X Marks the Spot

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for more than 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion-dollar machines.

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They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.”

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded: “One chalk mark: $1; knowing where to put it: $49,999.”

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Wife or Mistress ?

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

The Frog and the Engineer

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

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He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now, that’s cool!”

You Might be an Engineer If…

  • Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
  • Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.
  • The salespeople at Radio Shack can’t answer any of your questions.
  • You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
  • You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
  • You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
  • You know what http:// stands for.
  • You see a good design and still have to change it.
  • You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
  • You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
  • You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
  • Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
  • Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
  • You’ve ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
  • You’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
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