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The Funniest Car Jokes

Car Jokes

We all have cars and most of us drive them everyday.  They have been a long running source of jokes. These jokes about cars and automobiles are kid appropriate. We have an amazing collection of funny one liners, longer story jokes and even some fun acronyms. Enjoy!

The Funniest Jokes about Cars and Automobiles

Funny Car One Liners

Whaat do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Low octane

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Related: The Funniest Confucius Say Jokes!

Funny Car Acronyms

Here are some funny acronyms for cars and their owners. Some are quite funny!

ACURA

  • Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
    Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
    Asia’s Curse Upon Rural America

AUDI

  • Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
  • Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
  • Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW

  • Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
  • Beautiful Models Wanted
  • Big Money Works
  • Bought My Wife
  • Bring More Women

BUICK

  • Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
  • Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CADILLAC

  • Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions

CHEVROLET

  • Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
  • Can Hear Every Valve, Rod, or Lifter Every Time
  • Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
  • Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

DODGE

  • Darn Overhauls Do Get Expensive
  • Darn Old Dudes Going Everywhere
  • Dear Old Dad’s Garbage Engine
  • Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
  • Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

FERRARI

  • Ferociously Elegant Racer Ravages All Roads Intuitively

FIAT

  • Failure In Italian Automotive Technology
  • Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
  • Fix it again, Tony!
  • Fix It All the Time
  • Found In A Trashcan
  • Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

  • Faithful, Obedient, Reliable, Dependable
  • Fancy Oil Recycling Device
  • Fast On Race Day
  • Fast Only Rolling Downhill
  • Fault Of R&D;
  • Fireball On Rear Damage
  • First On Race Day
  • First On Recall Day
  • First On Rust and Deterioration
  • Fix Or Repair Daily
  • For Off Road Driving
  • For Old Retired Drunks
  • Found On Road, Dead
  • Found On Rubbish Dump
  • Frequently Overhauled, Rarely Driven

GEO

  • Get Everything Overpriced
  • Got Everything Overhauled

GMC

  • Garage Man’s Companion
  • Get More Cash!
  • Gimme My Checkbook!
  • God’s Mechanical Curse
  • Got A Mechanic Coming?
  • Greasy Messy Contraption
  • Great Mountain of Crap
  • Greatest Mistake Created

HONDA

  • Had One, Never Did Again
  • Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
  • Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
  • Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
  • Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad’s Assistance

HUMMER

  • Hope U Made Me Extra Reliable

HYUNDAI

  • Here’s Y U Never Drive An Import
  • Hope You Understand: Nothing’s Drivable And Inexpensive
  • Hardly Your Understanding New Dealer Allowance Incentive
  • Hold Your Usual Nitpicks, Designs Are Improved

JEEP

  • Just Empty Every Pocket
  • Just Expect Every Problem
  • Just Eats Every Penny
  • Junk Everyone Eventually Piles

JAGUAR

  • Just A Guess U Are Rich

KIA

  • Keep Inside Asia
  • Keep It Away!
  • Kick It’s Ass
  • Killed In Action
  • Killer’s Imported Asset
  • Kiss It Away
  • Korea Invades America
  • Korean Imitation Accord
  • Korea’s Imported Accident

LAMBORGHINI

  • Loser Always Maintains Big Old Rotten Gunk; Hardly Inflates Nobody’s Image

LOTUS

  • Loads Of Trouble Usually Serious

MASERATI

  • Must Also Suggest Extra Rope And Towing Implements

MAZDA

  • Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
  • Must Always Zoom Down Asphalt

MERCEDES

  • My Expensive Race Car Emits Dense Exhaust Smoke
  • Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings
  • Merger Engaged Reverse Chrysler Entering Decline Evident Soon

MITSUBISHI

  • May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside

NISSAN

  • Need I Say Something About Nothing
  • Never In Season Simply A No-show

OLDSMOBILE

  • Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
    Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment

PONTIAC

  • Poor Old Ninny Thinks It’s A Cadillac
  • Piece Of Nasty Tacky Icky Ass Crap

PORSCHE

  • Plenty Of Repairs Service Can’t Help Everything
  • Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB

  • Sad Attempt At Beauty
  • Send Another Automobile Back
  • Some Ass Actually Boughtit!
  • Sorry Auto Assembled Backwards
  • Styling Absent After Buyout
  • Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

SATURN

  • Sorry Assed Transmission Under Repair Now
  • Some Argue That Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
  • Send Another Towtruck Ubiquitous Repairs Needed
  • Same American Trash Under Revised Name

SUBARU

  • Stupid Urbanites Bumbling Around Rural Areas

SUBARU

  • backwards is: U R A BUS (You are a bus)

TOYOTA

  • Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
  • This One You Oughta Tow Away
  • To Operate Your Own Terrific Automobile
  • Tolerances Over Yielding, Often Towed Away

VOLVO

  • Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

  • Very Weird
  • Virtually Worthless

Longer Jokes about Cars and Automobiles

Porsche for Sale – Cheap

A man saw an advertisement in a paper which read, “Porsche for sale: $200.” He went to view it, expecting to find a battered heap of rust, but instead found himself face to face with a gleaming new model in mint condition.

“Why are you selling it for $200?” he asked the lady.

“Simple. Last week, my husband ran off with his secretary. He said: “You can keep the house, but sell my Porsche and send the money to me.”

The Race

A guy was driving a Yugo on the interstate when it broke down. A short while later, a Porsche stopped and the driver offered to give the Yugo a tow. “If I go too fast,” said the Porsche driver, “honk your horn.”

So the Porsche set off with the Yugo in tow. A few miles down the road, a Corvette pulled alongside the Porsche.

The Corvette driver called out, “I bet I can outrace you with that thing in tow behind you.”
The Porsche driver was up for the challenge and the two cars sped off side by side down the highway. Two State Troopers watched in disbelief as the cars flew by.

“Did you see that Porsche and Corvette racing neck and neck?” said one.

The other said, “Yeah. And what about that little Yugo flying behind them, honking his horn, trying to pass?”

The Nagging Wife

A man was driving his wife home after a night out when they stopped by the police.

“Did you know you were speeding, sir?” asked the officer.

“No, I had no idea that I was speeding.” replied the driver.

“Of course you were,” interrupted the wife. “You’re always speeding.”

The officer looked at the rear of the vehicle. “And did you know your brake light is broken, sir?”

“No, I had no idea that it was broken.” replied the driver.

Again the wife interrupted. “Of course you knew it was broken. You’re always saying you’ll get it repaired, but you never have.”

The officer began to sympathize with the driver. “Does she always talk to you like this?”

“Only when he’s drunk.” said the wife.

The Carburetor

“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”

“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.”

“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”

“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”

“In the swimming pool.”

 

 

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