On this page you will find the best teacher jokes. If you are student or a teacher you will laugh and LOL at this incredible list of teacher jokes, 1 liners and puns.
So sharpen up your #2 pencils and get ready to laugh out loud as you read the best list of jokes about teachers on the internet.
The Funniest Teacher Jokes
What’s the Difference Between a Teacher and a Train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out” and the train says, “Chew, chew!”
What Do You Say to Comfort a Grammar Teacher?
“They’re, there, their.”
Why Did the Teacher Write on the Window?
Because the the lesson needed to be clear.
Why Do Teachers Fart in Class?
Because they’re not private tooters.
Why Did the Music Teacher Need a Ladder?
To reach the high notes!
What’s a Teacher’s Favorite Nation?
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils!
Teacher: Didn’t I tell you to stand at the end of the line? Student: I tried but there was someone already there!
How is an English teacher like a judge? They both give out sentences.
Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you? Student: Not really.
Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the water.
Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have? Student: Big hands!
Teacher: If you got $20 from 5 people, what do you get? Student: A new bike.
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at John’s exam? Student: I hope you didn’t either.
Teacher: What is the shortest month? Student: May, it only has three letters.
Teacher: Answer my question at once. What is 7 plus 2? Student: At once!
Why did closing her eyes remind the teacher of her classroom? Because there were no pupils to see.
Why did the teacher turn the lights on? Because her class was so dim.
What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you? Pick them up and roll them back
What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again.
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won’t freeze ?
Pupil: Hot water !
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ?
Pupil: All of them !
Why was the head teacher worried ?
Because there were so many rulers in the school !
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line ?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there !
Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar, what would each bun be ?
Pupil: Stale !
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: What is “can’t” short for ?
Pupil: Can not miss.
Teacher: and what is “don’t” short for
Pupil: Doughnut !
Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is ?
Pupil: Lassie !
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !
Teacher: Why are you standing on your head ?
Pupil: I’m just turning over things in my mind, sir !
Teacher: That’s quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don’t know teacher. What will you give me ?
On a special Teacher’s Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, “I bet I know what it is….some flowers.”
“That’s right!” said the boy. “But how did you know?”
“Just a wild guess,” she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is…a box of candy.”
“That’s right! But how did you know?” asked the girl.
“Just a lucky guess,” said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it over her head but it was leaking.
She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue.
“Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied.
The teacher then said, “I give up, what is it?”
The boy replied, “A puppy!”
The Biology Exam
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl’s junior college, said during class, “Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, “Mr. Jacobs, I don’t think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones and asked the same question.
Miss Jones, with composure, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”
“Correct,” said Mr. Jacobs. “And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment.”
You Might Be a Teacher If…
- you believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on report cards.
- you correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
- you cringe whenever someone says, “At least you get three months vacation.”
- you hand pieces of paper to your friends and make them spit out their gum in front of you.
- you have an overwhelming urge to nod and say, “Now I understand why your kid is the
- way they are,” after meeting the parents.
- you send another adult to detention for using four-letter words in public…
- you are thrilled that April Fool’s Day fell on a Saturday this year!
- you think it’s normal to go through four years of college to earn a salary that’s below the poverty line.
- you think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.
- you blow your whistle at misbehaving kids in Target
- your correct a total stranger’s grammar errors.
- your voice is permanently set on high volume from attempting to be heard over students’ voices day after day.
- you’ve ever said “Put that gum on your nose!”
My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form.