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Jokes > Skydiving Jokes.   If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.

Blindly Sky-Diving
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

The First Jump
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

The Skydiving lesson
All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jumpmaster looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

A few Skydiving Shorties

  • What do you call a skydiver with no girlfriend?

  • What's the difference between God and Skydivers?
    God does not think he is a SKYDIVER!

  • What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
    A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

  • What kind of crazy bird yells "Polly wants a cracker" when he jumps from an airplane?
    A parrot trooper.

  • What do you call a skydiver with no arms and no legs??
    Give up?.....It's Mark!!
    And what was the name of his dog??
    It's Spot!

  • Why do birds sing ?
    They don't have to pack when they've landed!

  • What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones?

  • What's the difference between a skydiver and a golfer?
    A golfer goes "[WHACK] ... Oh shit!". A skydiver goes "Oh shit! ... [WHACK]"

  • How can you tell a good 4-way team from a bad 4-way team?
    A good 4-way team going in sounds like "[WHACK]".
    A bad 4-way team goes "[WHACK] ... [WHACK][WHACK] ... [WHACK]"

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    Last Updated April 1, 2013

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